Lowry Hill Tunnel Warning Lights a Joke
I was driving back to the northwest suburbs after a pleasant time at Matt’s Bar last night when I came to blows with the Lowry Hill Tunnel. If you’re planning to continue on 94, you should be in the left hand lane before entering the dark beast. Otherwise you will be slowed down by idiots trying to get on to 394 who don’t know how to take a curve. But tonight, there was a different kind of traffic stoppage. The all-too-regular accident in the Lowry Hill Tunnel stoppage. I had just made it under the Blaisdell bridge when traffic haulted. Being the smart 94 driver, I was in...
Read MoreI Am Unbelievably Stupid
Call it a self fulfilling prophecy, but Make Me Watch TV can be found in the most recent edition of 505 Unbelievably Stupid Webpages, 2E. I became aware of my new status while browsing through the humor aisle at Borders. Admittedly, I’ve been flipping through these “stupid website” books for quite some time now, looking for myself. Is it vanity if it is self-deprecating? The book catches the eye pretty quickly. There is a bright pink Peeps bunny on the cover, and the book was facing forward on the shelf. How much do you think the publisher had to pay so this novelty book...
Read MoreFor Most Happy Feet
Kinoki Detox Foot Pads were recently a topic on the Skeptics’ Guide to the Universe podcast. These foot pads claim to draw toxins out of your body through your feet. As you might have (or should have) guessed, it is utter nonsense. In fact, a quick trip to the product’s own clinical study page tells you everything you need. It simply says “coming soon.” A few days after a good laugh at this ridiculous product, a good friend mentions interest in purchasing this 21st century snake oil. You see, he had just gotten a massage and was informed that his shoulders contain a...
Read MoreThe Cloverfield Mystery
After receiving a hair shortening at Winston’s Barber Shop, from an employee that didn’t smell funny (like last time) at that, errands were the name of the game on Saturday. There was cat food to be picked up, inkjet paper to be purchased, and free advance screening tickets to Cloverfield to be found. All three tasks should have been very easy, and they might have been if it hadn’t been me performing the tasks. The cat food was easy enough, even though Feline Rescue had a bunch of adorable kitties on display at the Roseville PETCO. The inkjet paper was fairly easy too, even...
Read MoreZombie Diary – Entry 1
Woke up this morning with a tickle in my throat. Coughed a few times to try and remove what I assumed was a collection of phlegm that had pooled during the night. Was rather surprised when I produced a severed finger. That would explain the tickling. Checked my hands for a missing digit. All ten were accounted for and, I should add, freezing cold! Whose finger was this? I decided not to worry about it too much, as it was not a thumb. Someone couldn’t miss a finger too much. I returned the digit to my mouth and continued on with my morning...
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