There has been enough interest about my audition mind dump for a followup post. So here it is. Pretty good so far, yeah?
Rejection. As an actor you need to get used to it. Sometimes it’s about you. Sometimes it isn’t. Casting a play or commercial or film is a tricky thing. An actor can’t take rejection personally. When it happens, you pick up your pile of headshots and move on to the next opportunity.
That being said, my audition was rough. Really rough. This was my first theatrical audition in a long time, and my nerves were taking control of everything. All of my preparation went right out the window as I walked in to the audition room. There were two friendly people, sitting behind a table, ready to judge me. I forgot what that felt like. It was exciting.
My monologue starts out shaky, but I plow through. I forget my pacing, timing, emotional queues, and voice inflections. The piece is working on raw in-the-moment emotion. I use it to my advantage as much as I can and get some powerful stuff out about halfway through. At the end, I get a surprised little laugh from the directors as the dramatic tension is released. And it’s over.
I walk to my car (minivan, fine), turn on the radio, and can’t stop my voice from shaking as I try to sing along. My nerves are shot, and it feels pretty great. I blew the audition something awful, but I got out there and did it. It was pretty thrilling.
Hopefully the next audition goes more smoothly. Nerves shouldn’t be such an issue, and I should actually get out the good work I’ve been doing.
Obviously, I didn’t get a part. But I don’t really care. And I don’t not care in the numbed soul and cold heart sort of way. The actual process really made me feel good.
So here we are. A botched audition, and I still feel pretty great. And, honestly, I couldn’t have moved my work hours around to accommodate the production. So I was a bit relieved too. What is that? A lose-win-win situation? I can deal with that. On to the next audition, whatever that may be.