Dear Acquaintances From High School
Dear acquaintances from high school, It appears that you found this website by, creepily, searching for my name in Google. Please be aware that I have absolutely no interest in reconnecting with you. Sorry to be so blunt, but I see no reason to waste your time or mine with idle chit chat. It would be a farce, and not the delightful English kind. You are no Colin Firth. That is all. Regards, Aric McKeown
read moreAnd Now You’re Even Older
To start off this message, my boots to shoes switch is everything I hoped it would be. My toes are toasty warm on the drive to work and my feet are comfortable in their brilliantly clean slip-on shoes when at work. It was pointed out, by a co-worker, that this was less of an eccentricity and more of an old man thing. They’re probably on to something there. And less than a week after they mentioned it, my mind grabbed on to another old man quirk. I have been nearsighted since 5th grade. There’s nothing quite like giant glasses on a...
read morePretending to Understand
In middle school, my English teacher mentioned Yosemite National Park for some unremembered reason. As a standard time wasting device, he proceeded to ask if anyone in the class had ever been to Yosemite. Being ignorant, I raised my hand. The teacher then attempted to connect with me through a shared experience. “Those rock climbers were really something, huh,” he asked. Rock climbers? Let’s see, rock climbers. I remember geysers and sulfur pits. And there were boardwalks everywhere. A couple buffalo. There really...
read moreThe Audition: The Followup
There has been enough interest about my audition mind dump for a followup post. So here it is. Pretty good so far, yeah? Rejection. As an actor you need to get used to it. Sometimes it’s about you. Sometimes it isn’t. Casting a play or commercial or film is a tricky thing. An actor can’t take rejection personally. When it happens, you pick up your pile of headshots and move on to the next opportunity. That being said, my audition was rough. Really rough. This was my first theatrical audition in a long time, and my nerves were...
read moreToo Excited
Recently, I have made some unconscious steps towards eccentricity. Actually, the steps taken were quite logical and their eccentric leanings may be a matter of my own opinion. But let’s go ahead and bring you the facts. It occurred to me, as I arrived at work on Monday, that my Converse were doing a piss poor job of keeping my toes warm. In fact, I dare say they were making my toes colder. This was an unacceptable situation and a plan had to be made. Soon after I got inside my safe office building, my worries melted away. That is, until...
read moreThe Audition
The butterflies are back. My job is over the for the day, but I’m sitting in my cube eating pizza and waiting. Waiting for the clock to show me 8:10pm. That’s when I have my first theater audition in many years. Don’t get my wrong. I’m not fooling myself into thinking I’ll snag my first audition right out of the rusty gate. This isn’t the most important audition of my life, and I’ll go ahead and audition for some other productions after this. But it is the first audition in a long time. And thus, the...
read moreSinging Sam: The Gorilla Man
There are times in your life when you realize, in the moment, that this is something you will remember forever. Pieces of time that will travel with you to the end. Memories preserved in lucite and kept in a dark room away from the harmful effects of the sun. Singing Sam: The Gorilla Man of Wall Drug is one of those precious moments. You see, families think it is a great idea to drag their kids to Wall Drug. It’s a “historical” tourist trap known for cheap coffee, free ice water, old fashioned donuts, and a thriving bumper...
read moreThe Birthday Breakfast
The goal was to keep my birthday low-key. You see, a perfect birthday is short on both stress and obligations. The only real plan was a trip to IKEA. And you’re right. It’s a zoo for furniture, and the people there walk around like they forgot the quickest path between two points. But I had prepared myself for IKEA. There would be no gawking-idiot induced stress. What I had not prepared myself for was IHOP. No, I didn’t spell IKEA wrong. I mean the International House of Pancakes. Both IKEA and IHOP are located in the same...
read moreIn A Row
If Michael Phelps can win five gold medals in a row (as of this writing), then I can blog for three days in a row. Or, rather, write for three days in a row. I get kind of sad when I use “blog” as a verb. And there is already enough sadness on this pale blue dot of ours. Yesterday, I used Twitter to make a terrible pun that is now my favorite thing in the world. In short, I claimed to be playing Gra Bass. Which, for dirty minds the world around, breaks down to grabass. From what I understand, grabass is like horseplay but more...
read moreDoctors Are Trained Professionals
Listen, my back hurts. It has been hurting on and off for about a month, and I have been in constant pain for the last week. And I like to complain. It fills time in the mindless conversation we’re having. But your response to my complaining should not be to “see a chiropractor.” Are you trying to be useless? You seem to be missing a step. How about I “see a trained professional who graduated from medical school” first? That’s what you should suggest, if you cared about my well being. Chiropractor’s...
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