No Excuse Not to Wash Your Hands Now
I solved the “my hands are dirtier after I wash them than before” excuse that some people use for not washing up. Soon you will have no excuses left. Get on this design, Moen and American Standard! (original photo from Listener42)
Read MoreShady Tactics from Northwestern Mutual
I received a rather casual sounding call at my office from a fellow at Northwestern Mutual. It seems that this guy had just gotten done talking to my good friend X. X, being someone I have never met face to face and only know through social networking. The fellow was surprised that X hadn’t called me about his call! X had, allegedly, dropped my name as someone who may be interested in the financial services that Northwestern Mutual has to offer. At this point, I hang up on the salesman from Northwestern Mutual. Obviously, X would never have dropped my name because they barely know my...
Read MoreI Will Find The Crunch Cone
There is a product at Dairy Queen known as the Crunch Cone. It is a simple soft serve ice cream cone covered in a topping known as Crunch Coat. Crunch Coat is made up of sprinkles, crushed peanuts, and magic crunchy things that can’t be explained. It is a fantastic treat and rare find. You see, if a Dairy Queen franchise does offer the Crunch Cone, it usually can’t be found on the menu. You need to special order it, like you’re a celebrity. And the majority of Dairy Queens don’t even carry Crunch Coat any longer. So, my mission is clear. To find the Dairy Queens across...
Read MoreThursday Night Adventures
Last Thursday I was going to see Ka-Baam!!, the improvised comic book show put on by HUGE theater, for the second time. My plan for the evening was to sit at work and eat canned soup until 6pm, so I wouldn’t have to drive home and then immediately turn around and head for the Bryant-Lake Bowl theater. The eating beef and vegetable soup while watching edited Star Trek: TNG clips part of my plan worked fine. And so, at the correct time, I was off to the theater. I arrived at Bryant and Lake at around 6:30. I was early enough to hop over to the gas station to buy some gum. With the...
Read MoreEmbarrassing 2 – Drunk
I don’t have many drinking stories, and don’t drink very often, but embarrassment can be found in a shallow puddles and deep oceans alike. So here they are. Each item on the list can be preceded by “during an evening of drinking.” It became very important for me to tell my friend how much I appreciated his appreciation of the Dave Matthews band. I disliked said band, but spent a good 10 minutes telling him it was cool that he did like them. This was, of course, in college. After drinking X shots of Wild Turkey during a video game/drinking competition, in which I...
Read MoreMonster at the End of This Bookstore
I entered the Borders bookstore in Minnetonka and was drawn, as all customers are, to the tables near the entrance. These are the tables that hold pretty looking hardcovers that just came out. While I had more than enough unread books at home, new and shiny things were nice to buy. I walked to the tables on an impulse. And, soon, I would be fighting another impulse with every fiber of my being. You see, I was not the only patron that day. My back was to the entrance when a horrifying sound found its way in to the bookstore. A textured and unearthly sound. A deep and wet sound. The sound...
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